The pain and joy of being a daddy...

Tonight I experienced overwhelming emotions across the entire spectrum with my two older boys, Connor and Luke. They each have their own pets - Connor a parakeet, and Luke a hamster. Well, tonight as we were getting the boys ready for bed, Luke came in the room in a panic. "Mom," he said, "I reached in to pet Spot and she didn't move. Is she sick?!" Kelly and I both go in there not expecting anything wrong, and sure enough, Spot is not moving. Luke, who loved this hamster more than anything, just broke down sobbing. We got her out, and she was just barely breathing and had her eyes open. We tried to give her water, but she would not even open her mouth. Of course seeing her eyes open gave Luke unrealistic hope, and we had to tell him that she was dying. He could not talk he was in so much pain and sorrow. I had brought the cage downstairs so it wouldn't be in his room, and he came down and asked if he could say goodbye. Kelly and I just sobbed as we watched our little 6 year old boy hold and cuddle his hamster and rub it against his cheek saying he loved her and telling her goodbye.

Then I was filled with pride and emotion as I watched Connor, Luke's older brother, walk in with a wad of cash. "Luke," he says, "here's my money out of my bank. You can use it to buy another hamster if you want." And Connor hands Luke almost $40 he has saved for months. They hug each other and as Luke says, "Thank you," Connor replies with, "It's okay, that's what big brothers are for."

As I am tucking Connor in bed and telling him how proud I was with what he did, he simply said, "Dad, I had to do something, it just hurt my heart watching Luke so sad."

For those of ya'll that know me and my boys, and how nuts they can drive me sometimes, right now I am having a hard time remembering any of that right now....