"I hope Tulio chews your balls off!"

So, we have given up on trying to get the boys to actually DO anything productive this summer. We have tried coaxing, begging, rewarding, punishing, restricting, behavior charting, fear-of-God'ing, and anything-else-you-can-think-of to get them to read, pick up crap, not break things, or get off their butts to go outside instead of watch cartoons and play Pokemon Diamond and Pearl all day. Nothing has worked.

As of earlier this week, all TV channels remotely interesting to them have been blocked. All portable electronic gaming devices - Nintendo DS times three - with all games, accessories, instruction manuals have been removed from the home. All reference to Pokemon in general have been removed as well.

Well, now that their vices have been eliminated, they are literally stir crazy.

Yesterday's incident? Our wrought iron, glass top table on the deck is now just our wrought iron frame. Oh, and about 50-60 glass shards.

Today they were a bit less destructive, though no less annoying. Kelly bought a teacup chihuahua back in the fall, named Tulio (from Miguel and Tulio from El Dorado). He's close to full grown, and all of two pounds. Anyway, Connor and Luke were literally terrorizing him today, chasing him all over the house, barricading him up with every cushion manufactured this side of the Chattahoochee, carrying him around like a potato sack over the shoulders, teasing him with toys, yelling at him, etc. Our Middle Child, our Ferris Beuller (everyone loves him but he gets into everything), Luke is the worst. Tulio growls the minute Luke grabs him because Luke terrorizes him so much.

Kelly has had it with the boys by this point this summer (even stopping by the office the other day to inform me she has made the decision that they are all going to daycare next summer, including the 11 year old...LOL), and lost it with the boys today. In a fit of mental rage, she yelled out at Luke...

"I hope Tulio chews your balls off!"

And of course Connor, our literal-interpretation, pragmatic guy he is, simply and matter-of-factly stated, "Man, Luke, I guess you won't be able to have kids or get a girlfriend or have a wife or anything. Well, I guess that's not true. You'll still have your penis."

And walked off.



Welcome to our world.