The Proof is in the Poop...

Ahhh, the frantic days of after-school-homework-time. Luke needs to study spelling words, Connor needs to read. Mitchell just wants to decompress his sensory-sensitive body and mind by stripping his clothes off and curling up with Over The Hedge on the widescreen. As I get the boys engaged in their work, I attempt to do my own after-work chores.....clean up breakfast dishes, go through backpacks, sign school papers, switch the laundry from the dryer to the basket, washer to the dryer, and hamper to the washer.

At some point, I hear the dreaded call from upstairs, "MOM, THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING!!" Of course the call doesn't come until I can actually hear the water falling onto the bathroom floor in the boys' bathroom. I run upstairs and there is murky water and soggy paper flooding the floor and seeping into the carpet in the hall. I frantically turn off the valve at the back and look up to see Connor and Luke standing at the door in the hall just staring. I scream, "Get me some towels!" They run to the linen closet and as I'm bent over picking up the soggy bath mat I can see them out of the corner of my eye just standing there. I realize that I must not have given enough instruction and they do not know what to do with towels in light of a water emergency. Now, remember, they are 11 and 8. So, I give more instructions. "Throw the towels on the wet floor!!" It was then that I realized they had gotten about 6 hand towels. Not much help. At least it stopped the 2 inches of water from continuing to soak the carpet in the hall.

"Go get my mop and bucket from the kitchen!" I knew this would be easy for them to find because the mop and bucket are a standard fixture in our kitchen. Connor was the first to respond. He runs downstairs, but it certainly seems it is taking him longer than expected to return. Now, I realize that time can seem to stand still as one is standing in......well, you know. I peak my head around the corner and see him standing on the stairs watching Over The Hedge. "CONNOR!" I scream. "Oh, sorry Mom. Sorry," as if he completely forgot why he was coming up the stairs with a mop and bucket.

At some point, during and after cleaning up I began the investigation. "Who forgot to flush the toilet? Our toilets are the water-saver kind so they don't suck really well. It is absolutely necessary that each time you 'go', the toilet gets flushed. Who forgot to flush?"

Amazingly, no one admitted to making their "deposit" and then simply walking away. "It wasn't me, Mom. I promise." "I haven't even been in that bathroom in days." "I think it was probably Mitch." Now, at the risk of sharing too much information, a mother knows what her children's "movements" look like. Some are long and thin, some are short and fat, some a certain color.....you know what I mean. I started noticing that there was yellow husk-looking material in what I was cleaning. Hmm. We had corn casserole last night. Connor and Mitch do not like corn. That leaves Sean, Luke and I.........which narrowed down my list of suspects. I gave Sean the benefit of the doubt, counted myself out, which left Luke.

"Luke, I believe you are the culprit. First of all, Mitch did his "job" after school today in the downstairs bathroom as soon as he got home. I know this because I saw it. Second of all, Connor was coming in to do his "job" when he saw someone else had already beaten him to his bathroom and that is when he flushed and the mess here began. Thirdly, and most conclusively, you are the only one of the children who ate corn".....as I pointed to the floor. He dropped his head, face turning red and walked to his room. I think I watch too much CSI.......